Photographs and Memory Objects as Aids in Grief & Loss
Some special items of mine.
Photographs and objects of personal importance can play an important role in helping us to process grief and move through bereavement experiences. I often ask clients who have lost a significant person in their lives to bring an image or item they associate with that person to session(s) early in the therapy process to facilitate discussion of their relationship to the deceased person, elicit memories, and to work through the grief they are experiencing. Therapeutically, these items heighten senses and emotions, and also help bereaved clients to make meaning of their experience.
Heightening Senses and Emotions
Photos and memory objects are important because they lead us to feel. Emotions and sensations arise as we look consider a picture’s setting and subject, an object’s visual appeal, or our relationship to these items. Grief is helped both by facilitating emotional experiencing (sadness, joy, anger, etc.) but also in identifying the bodily sensations we experience while looking at the item. That is, how do we truly sense the picture or object at a visceral level? Working with the bodily senses and identifying where in the body the image/object is felt (tension in chest, constricted breathing, etc.) can be particularly helpful to grieving clients who are (consciously or unconsciously) attempting to rationalize feelings or avoid them, often leaving them ‘stuck’ and feeling lost.
Meaning-Making
When a client brings a photo or object to the session, I invite them to tell me the story behind the item, how it relates to their relationship with the deceased, and why they find it particularly meaningful. I find that when clients share their photos/objects and begin to tell me the stories about them, it broadens and adds nuances to the story they have already told me about their bereavement experience and relationship with the person who has been lost. Clients have related to me that the process of seeking out and choosing a picture/item has invited them to consider their memories and current experience in new ways even before coming to session.
This experience is particularly useful when the death event is traumatic or involves someone with whom the client had a challenging or complex relationship. When clients relate their object stories to me in therapy, I am also able to have a broader, more nuanced understanding of the them, which strengthens my alliance with the client and predicts better therapeutic outcomes. After the story of the object is told, I will discuss with clients how photos and objects can best be utilized to be support tools in developing a new relationship or memory association with the person they have lost.
It is important to acknowledge that not all images and objects elicit positive memories. Some evoke negative thoughts and emotions that warrant exploration as well and can prove equally valuable to the therapy process. Why does the particular image or item bring about emotional pain and negative physical sensations? When pain is felt, it is necessary to consider whether it is worthwhile keeping the items or, if a person feels it is inappropriate or wrong to dispose of them, exploring how they might be stored or ‘re-housed’ in a way that enables the griever to find peace. Sorting and selecting photos and objects can itself be an emotional and difficult process, and I always consider client readiness before I ask them to do this work.
Of course, we don’t necessarily have to be experiencing bereavement to benefit from this type of exercise. It can be helpful and therapeutic to take time just to sit in our homes or offices and reflect on the images and objects we’ve chosen to include in our environments or how the environment we’re currently in makes us feel and why. What emotions and feelings do you feel as you look at the space around you? What senses are in your body? What are you feeling?